Septtember 13, 2011

It is hard to believe that tomorrow I start another eight days of chemo. I don’t know if I am ready for it or not. It sure takes a toll on a person’s body. I am so weak as it is I just wonder what I will be like in another nine days. I admit I have a great deal of fear about this next round of treatment it is eight days of non-stop chemo. There are so many times I just want to quit and let nature run its course. I knew going into to this that once I signed up it would be a road of no return. If I don’t do it things will not improve and by doing it I will continue to weaken myself. At times this just does not seem like a win win situation. I have faith in the doctors and staff at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. I also have so many people in the fight with me co-workers those who work with Jan and two of my children Lisa and Brian. I need to do all I can to win this war and each battle I come in contact with. I have survived two battles of treatment and I am still here I must continue to do it I cannot let my family and good friends down. Dave Harrison has been of such great support I don’t want to let him down he has done so much for me and carried me though one of the toughest battles so far. Well I won’t be blogging after today for at least another nine days. Wish me well the first four hours of this round of schedule A treatment is the very worst.

September 12, 2011

Yesterday was a great day for me. It all started in the afternoon with my youngest son Brian and his wife Amber showed up at our home with the twins they are almost 19 months their names are Austin and Brighton and they are the sweetest little children you could ever want to me. Both have the bluest eyes and blond hair. They are very well mannered and just a delight. It is so nice to see them and watch how they develop and talk. Austin is all boy and Brighton is all girl, both are very friendly but cautious. I hated to see them leave they bring so much joy into my life. One more day at home then I get ready to go back to the hospital for eight days of straight chemo. I wonder how I will come out of this next eight days. I am so weak as it is now but I have been told you adjust to it better the second time.  

11 September 2011

Well another day has come and gone and I am still a home bound person. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The past two days things have started to change I can tell I am getting weaker again and this is a concern to me. I don’t know what is going on with my body but do know that I miss doing things I used to do. I often wonder how much longer this will go on and if I will have the energy and health to make it until August 15, 2012 when if all goes well I will get another new lease on life.

All the rest I am getting does help and I am very weak. I love my family and friends and all those who sustain me and give me hope and the desire to carry on. There are so many things I need to get done first of which is my personal history. There is a part of it I don’t want to talk or write about but I know I will need to get started on this part of it if I am going to move forward. It is the ugliest part of my life and I think that is the reason I don’t want to go back and visit it. I just need to man up and face it just like all the things that are hard once you have done it as you look back it was not all that bad.

September 9, 2011

I made it another day and I am so tired today don’t know what is causing this maybe I am getting low on my white blood cells. It seems like all I do is rest and rest more just don’t have any energy to do much of anything.

I am so thankful for being able to eat and that my digestive system is working this is a great gift. I know that on Wednesday next week I got in for eight straight days of chemo not something I am looking forward to. I do know that the chemo is killing the cancer cells and that this is all part of the process.

I respect all those who have gone through cancer treatment before me and have provided additional information for the treatment of cancer. I know it has helped me and I feel so bad for all they suffered so that my treatment would not be so bad. No matter how bad I feel I know it can be worse and there are many who have suffered a great deal more than I have.

I am thankful to a good wife who supports me and does not complain about the attention I need and the support to keep me going. I don’t know how Jan maintains a balance it must be harder on her than it is on me. I love her so much and what a great deal of support she has been. Jan is the best and I am thankful for all who support us at work and church and every other place.

September 6, 2011

Just when I think I am gaining strength my digestive system gets hit again. I am in hopes with the medication I am taking today I can turn it around. This is one of the worst side effects of chemo. I can almost deal with everything else. Once this starts it seems like everything starts going south. I am so thankful not to be in the hospital with complications from these treatments. I am also very nervous about the next chemo treatment it will be eight days of straight chemo and sometimes there will be four different treatments going on at the same time. I keep asking myself will I ever gain back the strength I once had. This process sure makes me tired all the time. When I start to lose my voice I know I am entering the danger zone.

On the brighter side I am so thankful for friends and associates who are willing to call and check up on me. They keep me going and my days are always brighter when this happens.

September 5, 2011

I am amazed at how sick I feel, I had no idea that I would be so week and sick all the time. It is hard to sleep at night and my digestive system is constantly upset. This has been a real drain on my overall quality of life. I have been fighting high blood pressure the last two days and have been retaining lots of water. I am run down and don’t have very much energy.

Now on the brighter side of things I have been blessed to have good visits with friends and neighbors. These are always very up lifting to Jan and I. We love the visit and it is always nice to see friends it amazes me how much everyone lifts me when they walk into the home. I am thankful today is a holiday and that Jan and I can spend one more day together.

Things I miss, one doing yard work, two going to work and being around good people, going to a good restaurant and getting something good to eat, going to a movie with friends, doing house work, going grocery shopping, shopping with Jan for clothes, being around small children and listening to their stories and a nice walk with my good wife Jan.

September 4, 2011

I have lived another day and feel strong enough to write in my blog again. The last time I did was two weeks ago tomorrow. I was so week at that time it took all I could do to just sit up at the computer and write. It was a day after I had come home from my last chemo treatment. The whole week I just kept getting sicker and weaker. My body was not functioning and by Saturday I was running a fever.



So in the afternoon Jan ran me to the University of Utah Emergency Room. I was admitted after nearly waiting two hours. I could hardly walk and had no idea what was going on or how bad my condition was.  I remained there for several hours and they were not able to improve my condition and I was admitted to Huntsman Cancer Hospital.



I knew I was sick and if I ate anything it was through my system within 20 minutes. Then Sunday they came to me and told me that my white blood cell count was at zero and they needed to do a CT scan. They did the CT scan and told me the results were that I had an ulcer in my colon and they were going to start feeding me with an IV.



The next thing I knew the nurses came into my room and told me I was going to get two units of blood. I asked why and they said I had no white blood cells and my red blood cells were low and diminishing. I ask why I what was happening. They said they were trying to find out why and started my two units of blood. After the two units I felt stronger and could talk for the first time. . I had been so week my voice was gone and I could on speak in whispers.



The next morning I was weak again and could hardly talk, my white blood cell count was back to zero and my red blood cell count was very low. I started feeling a loss of hope and truly did not know if I would leave the hospital alive. They gave me two more units of blood I felt better the next morning my white blood cell count was at 300 in needed to be at 1,500 this was a slight improvement considering the four units of blood I had received. The following day for some unknown reason I was at 2,800 and the next day my white blood cell count was at 6,600.



I came home still having issues with my stomach and this is my greatest challenge with the cancer being in my digestive system. I know the reason I am still here is because of all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. I cannot thank you all enough. I am so thankful to Jan and all she going through just trying to do all she needs to do and then all her work in taking care of me. Years ago she said Dale can you take care of me and I told her she could take better care of herself than I ever could. But deep down inside I wanted to say yes but did not know what that would mean. Well I never thought she would be in a position of being my care taker. I want to thank all who have been taking care of me friends who take care of the yard, those who bring food in, those who clean the house and most of all those who for one week came and gave of their time taking care of me  and watching me so that I would not fall again. I love you all and your unselfish service has not gone unnoticed and is a blessing thank you for the phone calls also.