September 26, 2011

I knew I was not feeling well. Got to the Bone Marrow Transplant lab and I was rejected today cannot give stem cells. My white blood cells were too low along with my platelts which indicates that I don’t have enough stem cells. I was given three shots to boost my bone marrow productions and will get another four tonight.  This is a bit discouraging but not a total surprise today. I have lost my voice again which is not a good sign.

September 26, 2011

Did not sleep well last night the bone pain keep me awake most of the night not to include my emotional feelings about what is going on. Sometimes I don’t think I will make it. Yesterday I went to the Bone Marrow Treatment center for labs. I was told I would hear back within four hours never got a phone call. So today we are to start harvesting my stem cells. I have been taking five very painful shots in the stomach for the past five days and I am out of these shots. I take two in the morning and three at night. The purpose of these shots is to put my bone marrow into overdrive producing about three times as much stem cells as normal. Not know my status and not have a phone call back on my labs is a bit disheartening to say the least. I don’t have a great deal of hope but I am trying to do my best and have a good attitude. This is wearing on my more than I can even share. So much chemo already done and a ton more to go about 2,200 hours more to go it is a great deal of work. The only thing that is keeping me going is my good friends and family that provide so much support. I don’t know how anyone could do this alone. This is the hardest thing I have ever done both mentally and physically and now it is starting to take an emotional toll. I am not sleeping at night and worry about so many other things. The financial cost is getting out of my control; I am looking forward to open season at work and will apply for a second insurance to help defray the cost.

Again as usually my many thanks to those who visit and provide support. I hope the stem cell treatment this week goes well; I will be at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital every day from 0700 A.M. until released. This is a new experience.  

September 25, 2011

Yesterday was another good day not too sick and able to cope with everything that was going on. Today I go back to the Huntsman Hospital for a blood draw to see if I am still a good candidate for my bone marrow replacement therapy, where they will be collecting my stem cells. I sure hope my results are good. Then we will come home.

Yesterday I did get out of the house four about two hours something I should not have done but being cooped up all this time I needed some relief and for the most part I was not involved with crowds or other people.

I am so thankful to Jan and Dave for all the care and time they are giving me. Jan taking care of my three lines cleaning them out and treating them every morning. Dave for giving me shots in the morning and again at night. These are some things that would be almost impossible for me to do myself.

September 24, 2011

Yesterday was a good day and I was in a bit of pain but nothing I could not deal with. Just got home today from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. Have had my shots and an infusion treatment, I am sick to my stomach and feel a bit weaker but hope this will turn around as the day goes on. I am so tired we got up at 6:00 A:M: to get ready for the day and I feel like I have worked an 18 hour day.

I am so thankful to Dave Harrison for coming over and giving me shots they are very painful and his patience in dealing with me is appreciated more than anyone will ever know. Jan is just a real trooper dealing with this I hate to see it taking her away from the things she needs to work on.

Being a stage four cancer patient is far more comprehensive than I thought it would be. When I consider 13 months of treatment it seems like an eternity. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to just let this run its course. But then I would miss out on so many great things in life if I did not give it a chance.

Hope everyone is having a good day today and I thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

September 23, 2011

Today is another day to celebrate, I am still here working harder than ever to beat this disease and my attitude today is good. I had visitors yesterday and that means so much to me. I come home to a nice tidy house and within an hour it looks like a disaster zone. My medications are all over the place I set up a bed in the living room so I can rest when I am tired. The only problem about being tired is that I am tired all the time. The medication I am taking for harvesting my stem cells is causing some pain but nothing that I cannot deal with I love being home and a year of treatment seems like an eternity. I am so thankful to my wife Jan and her attitude. I tease her and she is so good about it. She is a Doctorial Candidate and has given an ever increasing amount of her time to me which means in turn she has less time to dedicate to her Dissertation.  I could not ask for a better wife. I love talking to my daughter Lisa, she offers words of wisdom all the time and gives me hope and a perspective I don’t have. My son Brian, wow what a great Dad, yesterday we were teasing that if he could have two more sets of twins he could purchase a Mormon assault vehicle. He was so good to laugh and tease right along with me. I love all the good people who are around me and supporting me through this the greatest struggle of my life dealing with physical challenges.

September 22, 2011

This is another day and I am glad to be home, did not sleep very well with everything that is on my mind. This journey although it is about 14 months long seems like an eternity. I would never in my wildest dreams understand all that is involved; I knew I was in a fight but not a fight for my life like I am. This past week I learned some new things about this disease and how hard it is working to take my life and how hard I am trying to overcome and return to health.

I do miss being able to go to work, to mow the lawn and take care of domestic chores. I miss being able to serve others and to walk around confident and feeling okay that life is good and I don’t have too much to worry about. Well then one day it changes and I am still in denial and now this last week it truly set in. I almost wanted to give up on Monday and I am doing my best to change that and to stay in the fight it should be worth it.

I was given extra strength yesterday with three good friends came over to visit and I love them we all have some struggle in our lives and at the same time we care about others where would I be without them. My friends give me hope and faith that it is all worth it. I am constantly tired but working hard to make it through each day.

September 21, 2011

Well I just got home from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital I have completed over 500 hours of chemo. I have over 2,000 left to go. I get chemo 24/7 when I am in the hospital. This was my third time and Monday I was ready to just call Jan and tell her to come and pick me up it was so hard. I had another two units of blood again this time and was so sick and in a great deal of pain as well. Then yesterday came and I said well it is not so bad today maybe I can make this another eight months. Eight more months of chemo seems like an eternity. I want to have a good attitude but Monday was not a good day for me. The minutes seemed like days and the day felt like an eternity. I just wanted out in the worst way, but then 24 hours later and I am saying I will give it another go. I have 18 chemo treatments for a total of 126 days of chemo 24/7. I have now completed a total of 20 days. When it gets below 100 I hope it will seem manageable. Right now it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I cannot explain how bad chemo can be and when I talk to others and they say oh I had eight treatments for eight hours each I think wow that would be nice. I should not complain I just want to be back to a normal life of going to work and having some of the hassles of life now they don’t look so bad and compared to what I am going through might be a real gift at this time. I want everyone to know how much the visits and phone calls have meant to me. I worry about work and want to return back to work one day I started out with seven months of leave and worry once the leave is gone how are we going to manage things. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.