7/29/2011 Friday

This was a crazy day. I could not sleep, chest pain and headache. Was given morphine and steroids and finally fell into alpha range of sleep from about 4:30 to 8:30 AM. been awake since. Have several visitors and teams of doctors. Not too aware of what is going on.
(Dale's writing is trailing off here...basic thoughts are something like this: he is grateful to visitors he has had and "I am feeling the effects of the chemo and I am not too coherent today. Thank heavens for spellcheck. This process is one you never know from day to day.")

7/28/2011

Once chemo started and about one hour later I felt like I had a migrain. Cold chills set in which lasted about an hour then I ran a fever and broke into a good sweat. I slept until morning. I feel very rested and thankful. Sure do want to shower! I hate these sweaty hospital clothes. They are so generic and don't fit.

Just got off the phone With Jan, my wife. She was driving home and hit another car. Thank heavens she is okay! It was very hard for her to tell me she totaled my Hyundai Tucson. Sad for her, it must have been a real insult to injury. We all learn these lesons. I had an accident at age 16. Since then I have tried to leave at least one car length for every ten miles of speed. On our crazy Utah roads, people don't let you do that. They don't respect that rule. So I try to see what other cars ahead are doing and this has helped.it is important for these crazy drivers who change lanes and fail to signal. Two of my biggest grips have been following too closely and failure to give the three second signal before changing lanes.

So far I am handling chemo okay, but it is only 10:00 AM. The one dose they give me is the real challenge.

I talked with Darrin at work. Man! I love that man! I miss Brent, also--you never know what is going to happen with Brent, he is so spontaneous.

7/27/2011

Just arrived at hospital. I have been here two hours and my anxiety is sky high. Have met with my nurse and one doctor. Both have asked several questions, many are the same. I will have a pick line. WOW Here I go again. I just want a sedative and sleep time! Just ordered food from a great menu. It is time to get this show on the road. I just want to be a good patient. Chemo will start as soon as the pick line is in.

July 27,2011

Another new day and such a beautiful one up and getting ready to leave for the hospital and I am counting the numerous blessings I have. Friends, family, work associates a great wife and a several teams of good doctors and nurses. The real journey begins today and this was the day I was going to have my first meeting with a cancer doctor until I called the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Calling Huntsman has allowed us to move forward by not less than two weeks and maybe four. I admit I am nervous not about the out come but some of the procedures that will be performed today, in  order to get things started. I think after today my nerves will calm down for a while. Take care as I sign off.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tuesday, 26 July 2011, another amazing and wonderful day. I knew it would be my last day at work and usually this is the hardest saying good bye to friends who are like family. However we had fun and I was able to be myself. I had more energy than usual and was in a teasing mood. Joked around about whom was going to be my bone marrow donor and read some things related to this. We had great fun laughing about who would be the one well as luck had it Brent Hoskins who I think is okay with me using his name played right along with it. Noticed the boss needed to wash her car and wrote a note telling her that her SUV needed to be clean a few laughed and then I wrote a person name on it and it was oh you better not put it on her car. Well I did not put it on her car but have a couple of fellow workers who are going to alert her and then she will bring it up in tomorrow’s staff meeting and say my SUV truly appreciated the little note about getting clean. This will be a shock and done in the right manner all should get a good laugh out of it. I also have my donor treatment team with their pictures and made a copy of these professionals and wrote a note on top saying we are smiling because we are going to get this particular persons fresh virgin bone marrow to transplant. There were a few other things we did and what fun I am so thankful it was not a glum and depressing day. I feel the Lord’s hands in this process and still want his will this gives such solitude I cannot explain. I came home and we have had friends over and shared some very good and most important spiritual experience and serious blessings in our lives. Well t is getting late and I need to pack my new clothes and get ready for my first’s weeks’ vacation. This is going to be far harder on others than it is on me sure wanted to talk to the children and my grandchildren today maybe I will get to do so tomorrow. Times is flying fast I will say my prayers and get a good night’s sleep. I don’t edit this so I must be forgiven for any grammatical errors. I will update my blog when I get home next Wednesday or just come home and sleep.

Monday, 25 July 2011,

What a great day. I have one of the greatest bosses a person could ever hope for she has been a real blessing to me and has given me hope. Today she presided over a good-bye luncheon and I cannot help but see the light of Christ in her. She is truly a shaker and baker. Cathy, forces you to be all that you can be and when you are down and out she is there to carry to the place you need to be.

I had a chance of meeting with the Colonel over our organization today he is the father of our Group and wants the best for his work family. I love his values it is God first, family second and country third. I expressed to him my gratitude for being able to work in his organization and for the leadership provided by Cathy. We are becoming a very close family and my fellow employees will never know all the strength they provide for me. I have enjoyed the things they have shared with me. They are great people from all walks of life and a rich variety of religious backgrounds.  They bless me daily with their understanding and care.

Two more days and I enter the hospital. I am very solemn at this time feeling like I know the answer. They will take care of my job while I am gone and in doing so things will be in better hands than mine. This is a terrific group I have been blessed to work with.  They have stayed close though some difficult work situations and wow how they have grown. Myself I can’t keep up with all the good things they are doing. My peers are truly my salvation at work. I would mention names but I need to protect the innocent. They know who they are and I am going to miss them. How blessed we are when those we work with are just like family.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

What a day! I have been pondering all the blessings I have been given along with prayers. I could not help but think of a blessing I was given that I would be healed. Little does this person know my cancer is not the greatest illness I have. I have a relationship issue that is far greater and with this disease a blessing of being reunited with those who I love has taken place. This was the real sickness and the blessing I was given has been fulfilled.  I see things from a different point of view and can move forward with the blessing of this dreadful disease. I can’t help but thank the Lord for two special people in my life Lisa and Brian and all the joy they bring to me with their expanding families.

Yesterday, I visited a couple who live near me, Jordan and his little family. To protect them I am not going to share the rest of the family member’s names. They brought me to tears with their great love and compassion. Words were not needed to feel their love and concern. During the visit their three year old son amazed me, he quietly walked up to his Dad and said, "I am going to time out and when I am done I will come and talk to you about it." Then he quietly walked away to ponder his time out. It seemed like a self-imposed time out. When I left I told this little and very wise tike that he is the best three year old I have known in my 60 years of life. What a great blessing this was.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Had a hard night sleeping and can feel this cancer eating away at my body. I'm very weak and want to go and gather things of the past and get started on my personal history again. In trying to pull my information from the past I have lost close to 80 percent of it. This is going to be so hard to accomplish and recapture it. I don’t know what I did. This is truly discouraging. I hope I have the time left to complete it all in the proper fashion.

Friday, July 22, 2011

As I reflect back on yesterday I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to spend with my youngest son Brian and his family. He has a wonderful family, his wife, Amber and the twins, Austin and Brighton--they are 17 months old and such calm mild children. This was my first time to have the privilege of being around them. What a gift from beyond being able to have grandchildren. They are so beautiful with blond hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. The remind me of my Scandinavian heritage.  My grandfather Hyrum Hansen had the same color blue eyes as I remember. Now these two little children this was a great blessing to have had this opportunity to spend a wonderful evening with them. Well today I got for my PET test at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital.

Thursday, July 21, 2011,

Got up at my usual time and I am at work, thinking this will be a simple day. I am here waiting for a phone call about my upcoming PET test. Today is a day of real pondering, where will this journey truly end and how will it end? This is something I don’t know and at the same time I don’t think I want to know. If I am going to beat this monster of a disease, I need to truly focus. I know this is just part of a far greater picture or puzzle as we know it. I must never forget life is everlasting. I am also thankful for this experience and the 60 years I have been given. I am thankful for being at work and having the opportunity of updating this daily journal entry. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Well today I had the scope with several biopsies.  First into my mouth and down and through my stomach and then my colon and small intestine. Not a great day running: a small fever and feeling so grateful for the blessings of modern medicine. I cannot think what it would be like without modern day medicine and drugs. Wow how far we have come since 1963 when my Grandfather passed away. I feel sorry for my wife Jan and the journey she is going to be exposed to. This will be a great blessing for her but how difficult. The physical weakness and impairments to body and mind will greatly challenge us and could damage us. We need to keep our focus and be thankful and gain understanding. The sad thing is Jan has been working on her EdD and now she will have an experience in compassion that will equal if not parallel her advanced education.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

One more day and I have my tests. What a different feeling I have thinking about it. What is in store on this journey? As I think back on those who have had this I think of my Grandfather Hansen and how he started out this journey in late August 1962 and by February 1962 when he passed away he had lost half of his body weight and suffered greatly. My Grandmother had great compassion and love during this process. Wow now I am going to get to understand what she went through. I need to have compassion. And where does this compassion come from?

I think I am getting to understand it comes from feeling, listening and talking from the heart. It is a gift from God, and if I don’t listen and make him part of my life I will lose out on this great blessing. I went to the hospital today to meet with my Doctor Martha Glenn and then I was scheduled for tests. What I saw was very disturbing. I saw a woman with both legs missing. I can only imagine how that happened. The remaining parts of her legs were in an oxygen chamber attached to her wheel chair. Oh how grateful I am for what I have. I thank the Lord for this. I saw all these sickly people and felt oh so grateful.

I know this journey won’t be easy but I am blessed. As a diabetic there are some things I feel in the depth of my heart that I won’t need to experience. I am learning that life is eternal and does not end with my earthly journey. I am so thankful for a Savior who suffered bled and died for me and has taken my sins upon him. Oh I am so amazed and feel his overwhelming love.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Just shared my diagnosis with friends in the neighborhood. I felt the touch of God as I shared this experience. I am beginning to understand how he will pick up my yoke and make my burden light. However, I need to comply and truly turn myself over to him. What a powerful feeling of love I have felt today knowing he will be there if I let him.

Friday, July 15, 2011

I received a phone call that I will have to have a colonoscopy and endocosopy and the hospital will schedule it.  This is going to be a real journey. I know I will need to be focused and think about the great things in life. I will need to listen and feel with my heart. I am nervous but I need to keep my focus it is not about my will but God’s will. Many lessons are going to be learned. I hope I will have the energy to keep this daily log up.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 day after my mother’s 88^th birthday, what a day this has been I was diagnosed with Mantel Lymphocytic Lymphoma Cancer. I had a bone marrow biopsy. It was not fun and it sure took the doctor in training a lot longer than it should have. Each day I feel weaker and now I know why. I don’t know where we go from here until next Tuesday when the tests results have been read by the pathologists.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Doctor called and said so far the results were showing that I had Chronic Lymphatic Lymphoma and that was the best cancer I could choose to have. I was all excited and decided to move ahead with some plans that I had been working on for some time. I discussed this with my wife Jan and we decided that we would proceed just like we had planned and live out life just like we did not have any bad news.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I saw my Doctor and he said the results of the test showed I was maybe 70% positive for Leukemia. I went to the hospital and it took 45 minutes to administer the blood test followed by a chest x-ray.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I get a phone call from the Doctor and he said he wanted me to contact my Doctor immediately and not later than tomorrow (June 20, 2011) to contact a Hematologist that specialized in Oncology and gave me two names. I knew at this time I must have symptoms of some type of blood cancer as Hematologist relates to blood and Oncology relates to cancer.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I went to do my usually volunteer for my church no lifting just participating in a service I enjoy very much. I needed to stand and was so weak I could not stand I ate a candy bar as I am a diabetic nothing changed after 20 minutes I decided to go to urgent care. I when home changed my clothes and drove to urgent care I could not sit up and was weak. My blood pressure was normal, my oxygen level was normal and my blood sugar was normal. I had no idea of what was going on, and then the doctor came and told me that I had a high white blood cell count. I said oh I know what antibiotics I need. The doctor said what I am seeing you won’t need antibiotics I thought good I must be okay. He then said I am going to take another blood test and will call you tomorrow.

June 14, 2011

June 14, 2011 I got up at my usual time 3:30 A.M. and left home at 4:00 A.M. and got to work at 5:30 A.M left work at 3:30 and headed for St. George, Utah. Arrived at St. George at about 10:00 P.M. and decided to try and get some things accomplished. First I took the bed apart that was in the little room and this was something I would normally not be able to do by myself. I felt a little tired but thought I am so lazy this feels great to be working hard and doing this on by myself.

Then in the living room was an armoire it was so heavy and I need to move it and remove the television, stereo, DVD and other items. I could not move it I tried twice but failed, I felt a great deal of anxiety coming over me and though I need help where will I get it. Then I tried a third time this time it move easily and in my mind eye I thought get I am strong and when I get home I am going to start going to the gym and put this old body back to work and I will be in great shape. By the time I got everything removed and put away it was almost 1:00 A.M. and was time to go to bed I did so. 

 Next thing it is 5:30 A.M. I had a good night’s rest and was most refreshed, took a shower and then started dismantling the king size bedroom. Once this was done I packed three wardrobe boxes and was ready for the movers. They showed up and then I called the handyman we had a number of things that needed to be repaired. I needed to turn the home over with the repairs that had been discovered by the home inspector. I call the handyman and he said he would be over I did not think he would be able to get the home completed that day with the items on the list. He showed up and then called his assistant and they had the home completed by 2:30 P.M.  Once they left I got a call from the Title Company saying the buyers had just completed their part of the purchase and would I come and sign my documents so they could record the home for the next day. I said I would and then I called the other Title Company Southern Utah Title and talked to Donna, she said I could complete all the documents if I would like to drive to her office. I did so this way if I could get everything done I would be able to leave for home on Wednesday.

 I drove to Home Depot and rented a carpet cleaner and went back and started cleaning the carpet. I finished at 7:30 P.M. and returned the cleaner to Home Depot. I went back finished cleaning and packing my car and left for home. This is a four plus hour drive from St. George to South Jordan, Utah where I live. I got home at 1:15 A.M. and went to bed. The next morning I got up and we had allowed some Mormon Missionaries who moved in with us the day before. We needed more room for storage and I went to Lowes and there were to storage racks left that hang from the ceiling of the garage.

 I went to pick them up and the associate said you are not going to lift them and he took them to the sales associate who rang me up. I was going to take them and load them in my vehicle, and she said sir you get your car and I will get someone to load these for you. Little did I know how heavy these were until I got home and they are made of steel weighting close to 80 pounds. Everything went well it was hard work and I needed three ladders to accomplish the task and I got it competed just as Jan got home from school and she assisted me in loading the storage racks.

I then went inside took a shower and turned on the television thinking I am so healthy and fell fast to sleep in my recliner. Jan woke me it was about 6:30 and I went to bed. This was the last time I had any energy (I have come to know that it was not be doing all this hard work I had help from a power beyond myself something I would not know for a few days) .

My Journey into Mantel Lymphocytic Lymphoma Cancer

My journey started in a most usually way it was the on Saturday June 11, 2011. I have spent years supporting my wife and had never regretted it for one moment. Then all of a sudden I felt like Jan’s academic achievements were not worth the cost. I wanted my wife back and this became a biter day for me and I expressed my bitter feelings.  On the night of June 11, 2011 I went down stairs to sleep and woke up with an expression of love and understanding. I felt the spirit tell me that it would not be long and I would be home (this home in my religious belief as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day –Saints is also known as Heaven or Paradise.) this was a warm and comfortable feeling something very sacred and not something I wanted to share. I went about my business as usual. Then on Monday June 13, 2011 I was at my desk at work and became very hot and uncomfortable and felt like I was back living in Arizona in the heat of the summer. I felt like it was 130 degrees outside very hot and no humidity. I started sweating and my cube mate Brent Hoskins’s truly a great man and good friend looked and me and said Dale we need to take you to the base dispensary. You are sweating and I said no I was okay he said that is the way I felt when I had my heart attack. Then as we were talking another witness came to me and told me my days were short. I did not know what this meant. I have been feeling weak and tired for months.

When I got home that night I new I would be going to St. George the following day and would finish packing up the home and would finalize the sale of the home there and also the purchase of some land. I did not have the energy to do so and was very nervous of the possibility that I would not be able to complete my mission to St. George. I also thought will I die on the way to St. George, as this weighed very heavy on my mind heart and soul, when I got home from work I told Jan (my good wife) that I had something to share with her I told her I had a premonition that I was going to die. I said I don’t know how soon it could be hours or even years but I have this overwhelming feeling and need to share it with you. I told Jan to listen to what I had to say. First, I gave her names and plans for a funeral second I told her who to contact here at work and gave her their phone numbers saying don’t trust anyone unless these good individuals say it is okay to move forward. That would need help in getting my retirement, and any insurance that might be there that I am not aware of, (Too much here to discuss about this process and insurance not important to others than Jan and myself).