September 29, 2011

Wow, I finally have enough energy to blog. It was a long night I had lots of pain and was taking pain killlers all day. This is the first time I could get up and write anything. The good news is I have harvested my stem cells. I have several more months of chemo to go and I am truly beat today did not do a thing. Feel sick to my stomach and very weak, not much to say other than I am thankful I had a good collections of stem cells.

September 28, 2011

Can’t sleep in a lot of pain, still passing blood and lower back pain that won’t go away the lower back pain is something new. On a scale of 1 to 10 I am at a 8 and this is after taking pain medication. I was able to harvest stem cells yesterday. I hope I am lucky enough to do it again to do it again today and continue till we have collected enough for my bone marrow replacement therapy.

I know I could never make this without all the support and kindness I have been receiving. I would have thrown in the towel last week when things were so bad and I was in so much pain and feeling so sick and weak. I need to thank everyone who is advocating for me and following up.

It means more than you will ever know just having visitors and phone calls. I am going to take some more pain pills and I hope it will help me sleep. I hope and pray that I might collect all the stem cells I need in the next few days.

September 27, 2011

This has been another tuff night, I am not feeling better and the pain is still there now I have a new complication I started passing blood through my urinary track. I am afraid my white blood cells will take a hit and I won’t be able to provide my stem cells as a result. I am quite discouraged today and have not been able to sleep all night dealing with the pain and the issue of passing blood. My emotional well-being is starting to take a hit also.  I am so thankful for all the support I have and those that keep showing support without it I don’t know where I would be. I don’t truly know how to face book and that I something I am going to work on later today if I get a chance. I don’t know what they are going to do with me today I am afraid my labs will not be anywhere close to where they need to be. I know I was to start chemo again next week, I think this will be pushed back also. This is a much longer and harder journey than I thought it would be. I get lots of rest sitting around but not much sleep. I am on a mild mood enhancer in hopes this will help my emotional health. I love my wife Jan and all the support she is providing and my two children Lisa and Brian not to include those who support Jan and I at work and in the neighborhood.

September 26, 2011

I knew I was not feeling well. Got to the Bone Marrow Transplant lab and I was rejected today cannot give stem cells. My white blood cells were too low along with my platelts which indicates that I don’t have enough stem cells. I was given three shots to boost my bone marrow productions and will get another four tonight.  This is a bit discouraging but not a total surprise today. I have lost my voice again which is not a good sign.

September 26, 2011

Did not sleep well last night the bone pain keep me awake most of the night not to include my emotional feelings about what is going on. Sometimes I don’t think I will make it. Yesterday I went to the Bone Marrow Treatment center for labs. I was told I would hear back within four hours never got a phone call. So today we are to start harvesting my stem cells. I have been taking five very painful shots in the stomach for the past five days and I am out of these shots. I take two in the morning and three at night. The purpose of these shots is to put my bone marrow into overdrive producing about three times as much stem cells as normal. Not know my status and not have a phone call back on my labs is a bit disheartening to say the least. I don’t have a great deal of hope but I am trying to do my best and have a good attitude. This is wearing on my more than I can even share. So much chemo already done and a ton more to go about 2,200 hours more to go it is a great deal of work. The only thing that is keeping me going is my good friends and family that provide so much support. I don’t know how anyone could do this alone. This is the hardest thing I have ever done both mentally and physically and now it is starting to take an emotional toll. I am not sleeping at night and worry about so many other things. The financial cost is getting out of my control; I am looking forward to open season at work and will apply for a second insurance to help defray the cost.

Again as usually my many thanks to those who visit and provide support. I hope the stem cell treatment this week goes well; I will be at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital every day from 0700 A.M. until released. This is a new experience.  

September 25, 2011

Yesterday was another good day not too sick and able to cope with everything that was going on. Today I go back to the Huntsman Hospital for a blood draw to see if I am still a good candidate for my bone marrow replacement therapy, where they will be collecting my stem cells. I sure hope my results are good. Then we will come home.

Yesterday I did get out of the house four about two hours something I should not have done but being cooped up all this time I needed some relief and for the most part I was not involved with crowds or other people.

I am so thankful to Jan and Dave for all the care and time they are giving me. Jan taking care of my three lines cleaning them out and treating them every morning. Dave for giving me shots in the morning and again at night. These are some things that would be almost impossible for me to do myself.

September 24, 2011

Yesterday was a good day and I was in a bit of pain but nothing I could not deal with. Just got home today from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. Have had my shots and an infusion treatment, I am sick to my stomach and feel a bit weaker but hope this will turn around as the day goes on. I am so tired we got up at 6:00 A:M: to get ready for the day and I feel like I have worked an 18 hour day.

I am so thankful to Dave Harrison for coming over and giving me shots they are very painful and his patience in dealing with me is appreciated more than anyone will ever know. Jan is just a real trooper dealing with this I hate to see it taking her away from the things she needs to work on.

Being a stage four cancer patient is far more comprehensive than I thought it would be. When I consider 13 months of treatment it seems like an eternity. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to just let this run its course. But then I would miss out on so many great things in life if I did not give it a chance.

Hope everyone is having a good day today and I thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

September 23, 2011

Today is another day to celebrate, I am still here working harder than ever to beat this disease and my attitude today is good. I had visitors yesterday and that means so much to me. I come home to a nice tidy house and within an hour it looks like a disaster zone. My medications are all over the place I set up a bed in the living room so I can rest when I am tired. The only problem about being tired is that I am tired all the time. The medication I am taking for harvesting my stem cells is causing some pain but nothing that I cannot deal with I love being home and a year of treatment seems like an eternity. I am so thankful to my wife Jan and her attitude. I tease her and she is so good about it. She is a Doctorial Candidate and has given an ever increasing amount of her time to me which means in turn she has less time to dedicate to her Dissertation.  I could not ask for a better wife. I love talking to my daughter Lisa, she offers words of wisdom all the time and gives me hope and a perspective I don’t have. My son Brian, wow what a great Dad, yesterday we were teasing that if he could have two more sets of twins he could purchase a Mormon assault vehicle. He was so good to laugh and tease right along with me. I love all the good people who are around me and supporting me through this the greatest struggle of my life dealing with physical challenges.

September 22, 2011

This is another day and I am glad to be home, did not sleep very well with everything that is on my mind. This journey although it is about 14 months long seems like an eternity. I would never in my wildest dreams understand all that is involved; I knew I was in a fight but not a fight for my life like I am. This past week I learned some new things about this disease and how hard it is working to take my life and how hard I am trying to overcome and return to health.

I do miss being able to go to work, to mow the lawn and take care of domestic chores. I miss being able to serve others and to walk around confident and feeling okay that life is good and I don’t have too much to worry about. Well then one day it changes and I am still in denial and now this last week it truly set in. I almost wanted to give up on Monday and I am doing my best to change that and to stay in the fight it should be worth it.

I was given extra strength yesterday with three good friends came over to visit and I love them we all have some struggle in our lives and at the same time we care about others where would I be without them. My friends give me hope and faith that it is all worth it. I am constantly tired but working hard to make it through each day.

September 21, 2011

Well I just got home from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital I have completed over 500 hours of chemo. I have over 2,000 left to go. I get chemo 24/7 when I am in the hospital. This was my third time and Monday I was ready to just call Jan and tell her to come and pick me up it was so hard. I had another two units of blood again this time and was so sick and in a great deal of pain as well. Then yesterday came and I said well it is not so bad today maybe I can make this another eight months. Eight more months of chemo seems like an eternity. I want to have a good attitude but Monday was not a good day for me. The minutes seemed like days and the day felt like an eternity. I just wanted out in the worst way, but then 24 hours later and I am saying I will give it another go. I have 18 chemo treatments for a total of 126 days of chemo 24/7. I have now completed a total of 20 days. When it gets below 100 I hope it will seem manageable. Right now it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I cannot explain how bad chemo can be and when I talk to others and they say oh I had eight treatments for eight hours each I think wow that would be nice. I should not complain I just want to be back to a normal life of going to work and having some of the hassles of life now they don’t look so bad and compared to what I am going through might be a real gift at this time. I want everyone to know how much the visits and phone calls have meant to me. I worry about work and want to return back to work one day I started out with seven months of leave and worry once the leave is gone how are we going to manage things. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.

Septtember 13, 2011

It is hard to believe that tomorrow I start another eight days of chemo. I don’t know if I am ready for it or not. It sure takes a toll on a person’s body. I am so weak as it is I just wonder what I will be like in another nine days. I admit I have a great deal of fear about this next round of treatment it is eight days of non-stop chemo. There are so many times I just want to quit and let nature run its course. I knew going into to this that once I signed up it would be a road of no return. If I don’t do it things will not improve and by doing it I will continue to weaken myself. At times this just does not seem like a win win situation. I have faith in the doctors and staff at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital. I also have so many people in the fight with me co-workers those who work with Jan and two of my children Lisa and Brian. I need to do all I can to win this war and each battle I come in contact with. I have survived two battles of treatment and I am still here I must continue to do it I cannot let my family and good friends down. Dave Harrison has been of such great support I don’t want to let him down he has done so much for me and carried me though one of the toughest battles so far. Well I won’t be blogging after today for at least another nine days. Wish me well the first four hours of this round of schedule A treatment is the very worst.

September 12, 2011

Yesterday was a great day for me. It all started in the afternoon with my youngest son Brian and his wife Amber showed up at our home with the twins they are almost 19 months their names are Austin and Brighton and they are the sweetest little children you could ever want to me. Both have the bluest eyes and blond hair. They are very well mannered and just a delight. It is so nice to see them and watch how they develop and talk. Austin is all boy and Brighton is all girl, both are very friendly but cautious. I hated to see them leave they bring so much joy into my life. One more day at home then I get ready to go back to the hospital for eight days of straight chemo. I wonder how I will come out of this next eight days. I am so weak as it is now but I have been told you adjust to it better the second time.  

11 September 2011

Well another day has come and gone and I am still a home bound person. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The past two days things have started to change I can tell I am getting weaker again and this is a concern to me. I don’t know what is going on with my body but do know that I miss doing things I used to do. I often wonder how much longer this will go on and if I will have the energy and health to make it until August 15, 2012 when if all goes well I will get another new lease on life.

All the rest I am getting does help and I am very weak. I love my family and friends and all those who sustain me and give me hope and the desire to carry on. There are so many things I need to get done first of which is my personal history. There is a part of it I don’t want to talk or write about but I know I will need to get started on this part of it if I am going to move forward. It is the ugliest part of my life and I think that is the reason I don’t want to go back and visit it. I just need to man up and face it just like all the things that are hard once you have done it as you look back it was not all that bad.

September 9, 2011

I made it another day and I am so tired today don’t know what is causing this maybe I am getting low on my white blood cells. It seems like all I do is rest and rest more just don’t have any energy to do much of anything.

I am so thankful for being able to eat and that my digestive system is working this is a great gift. I know that on Wednesday next week I got in for eight straight days of chemo not something I am looking forward to. I do know that the chemo is killing the cancer cells and that this is all part of the process.

I respect all those who have gone through cancer treatment before me and have provided additional information for the treatment of cancer. I know it has helped me and I feel so bad for all they suffered so that my treatment would not be so bad. No matter how bad I feel I know it can be worse and there are many who have suffered a great deal more than I have.

I am thankful to a good wife who supports me and does not complain about the attention I need and the support to keep me going. I don’t know how Jan maintains a balance it must be harder on her than it is on me. I love her so much and what a great deal of support she has been. Jan is the best and I am thankful for all who support us at work and church and every other place.

September 6, 2011

Just when I think I am gaining strength my digestive system gets hit again. I am in hopes with the medication I am taking today I can turn it around. This is one of the worst side effects of chemo. I can almost deal with everything else. Once this starts it seems like everything starts going south. I am so thankful not to be in the hospital with complications from these treatments. I am also very nervous about the next chemo treatment it will be eight days of straight chemo and sometimes there will be four different treatments going on at the same time. I keep asking myself will I ever gain back the strength I once had. This process sure makes me tired all the time. When I start to lose my voice I know I am entering the danger zone.

On the brighter side I am so thankful for friends and associates who are willing to call and check up on me. They keep me going and my days are always brighter when this happens.

September 5, 2011

I am amazed at how sick I feel, I had no idea that I would be so week and sick all the time. It is hard to sleep at night and my digestive system is constantly upset. This has been a real drain on my overall quality of life. I have been fighting high blood pressure the last two days and have been retaining lots of water. I am run down and don’t have very much energy.

Now on the brighter side of things I have been blessed to have good visits with friends and neighbors. These are always very up lifting to Jan and I. We love the visit and it is always nice to see friends it amazes me how much everyone lifts me when they walk into the home. I am thankful today is a holiday and that Jan and I can spend one more day together.

Things I miss, one doing yard work, two going to work and being around good people, going to a good restaurant and getting something good to eat, going to a movie with friends, doing house work, going grocery shopping, shopping with Jan for clothes, being around small children and listening to their stories and a nice walk with my good wife Jan.

September 4, 2011

I have lived another day and feel strong enough to write in my blog again. The last time I did was two weeks ago tomorrow. I was so week at that time it took all I could do to just sit up at the computer and write. It was a day after I had come home from my last chemo treatment. The whole week I just kept getting sicker and weaker. My body was not functioning and by Saturday I was running a fever.



So in the afternoon Jan ran me to the University of Utah Emergency Room. I was admitted after nearly waiting two hours. I could hardly walk and had no idea what was going on or how bad my condition was.  I remained there for several hours and they were not able to improve my condition and I was admitted to Huntsman Cancer Hospital.



I knew I was sick and if I ate anything it was through my system within 20 minutes. Then Sunday they came to me and told me that my white blood cell count was at zero and they needed to do a CT scan. They did the CT scan and told me the results were that I had an ulcer in my colon and they were going to start feeding me with an IV.



The next thing I knew the nurses came into my room and told me I was going to get two units of blood. I asked why and they said I had no white blood cells and my red blood cells were low and diminishing. I ask why I what was happening. They said they were trying to find out why and started my two units of blood. After the two units I felt stronger and could talk for the first time. . I had been so week my voice was gone and I could on speak in whispers.



The next morning I was weak again and could hardly talk, my white blood cell count was back to zero and my red blood cell count was very low. I started feeling a loss of hope and truly did not know if I would leave the hospital alive. They gave me two more units of blood I felt better the next morning my white blood cell count was at 300 in needed to be at 1,500 this was a slight improvement considering the four units of blood I had received. The following day for some unknown reason I was at 2,800 and the next day my white blood cell count was at 6,600.



I came home still having issues with my stomach and this is my greatest challenge with the cancer being in my digestive system. I know the reason I am still here is because of all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. I cannot thank you all enough. I am so thankful to Jan and all she going through just trying to do all she needs to do and then all her work in taking care of me. Years ago she said Dale can you take care of me and I told her she could take better care of herself than I ever could. But deep down inside I wanted to say yes but did not know what that would mean. Well I never thought she would be in a position of being my care taker. I want to thank all who have been taking care of me friends who take care of the yard, those who bring food in, those who clean the house and most of all those who for one week came and gave of their time taking care of me  and watching me so that I would not fall again. I love you all and your unselfish service has not gone unnoticed and is a blessing thank you for the phone calls also.